my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
