This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
