I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
