i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
