i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
