I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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