Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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