I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
