is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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