Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
