No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
