mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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