For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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