What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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