you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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