I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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