Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
