I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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