what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
