woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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