I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize