I look better un-naked...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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