i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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