I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
