Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
