yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
