I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
