I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
