Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
