please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
