Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I want a musical about memes.
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