is your mom at the bar?
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize