When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
