If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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