Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The uberlube is also flammable
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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