That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
