After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just found puke in my bra..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
