Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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