I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
