JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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