she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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