just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
