soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
