I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
