wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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