I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
