my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
