i think my mom watched the whole time
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
