i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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