I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
