seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
