Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
