It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
