He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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