She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
