Ambien. No doubt about it.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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