Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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