i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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