Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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