I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
