then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
