thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
