in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
