im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
