I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My ATM looks so different sober.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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