the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
