It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
