It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
